I am not a mom, and we dads do play a very different role no matter how engaged we are, but in this time of mom being down, I have had to play a lot of roles (with a lot of help thank God), both Dad and mom roles and I would certainly concur with this poll. I am a bit better at letting go and enjoying the chaos than Nicole is (it can really stress her out), but I would say we both agree that having a large family is actually easier and less stressful once the family gels together as a team and learns to work with mutual support. Also, there is really no way to spoil a child when you have so many. They simply have to pull their weight, clean their dishes, help with dinner, clean their rooms, help with house projects. For the family to function well, the child must be trained to work some for what they have and with so many to receive, we cannot just shower them with material rubbish. We have to concentrate on giving to them from things that do not perish or wear out, like love, support, encouragement, even discipline. Those are the building blocks of a heart based relationship anyhow. If you cannot connect with your child on a heart level, a new Wii is not going to do anything to create parent/child intimacy.
Nicole does stress a lot though. Sometimes about things small enough that she might want to let it go, but sometimes about things that really matter and her concern has made a big impact. She does deserve big kuddos in helping coach us toward real team functionality with greater interdependence and more responsible children. Her stress and persistence have born fruit in some places like having Elise do laundry now, having the kids always do their dishes and empty the dishwasher, vacuum the floors and so on. And honestly, the kids enjoy working for what they have on a heart level. Kids that are given everything but require of nothing tend to have less gratitude, much more a sense of entitlement, basically, they certainly can easily drift toward becoming an unhelpful spoiled child with a sour attitude and a difficult disposition when they do not get their way. Nicole was spoiled somewhat rotten and she raised her first, Ryon that way along with her parents. She raised him as she was raised. But with our littles, she had a chance to do it over and do it different and do it more right. She was determined not to raise her kids to become what she became. She was determined that she would not be the mother to sour, spoiled kids. And I would have to give her 4.5 stars out of 5 for how she pulled it off.
But again, many kids makes it all but impossible to spoil the kid because the parents cannot do it all. Not for a moment. Nor can they afford it all. Even if we wanted to ruin our kids by giving them everything they want or demand, we couldn't do it or afford it financially. So we look for investments for the common good. We look for group gifts a lot more than the smaller family. We look for durable investments that make memories together like our lake place, our family boat, and some day a pool at our house. Those things are enjoyed together, always, and no kid can call it their own. It is ours. Ours is very important for building a team mentality. Mine is a word too common in smaller homes that can work against building an ours. As Pam Rudd said, big families delegate. We have to in order to operate.
And we are not arguing that everyone should have a large family. Not at all. Nor are we saying that all parents of smaller homes spoil their kids. Not even close. Just that it becomes very, very difficult to spoil a kid when you have a lot of them and you want to connect on an intimate level with each of them.
The article is here on how mom's of large families report less stress:
http://www.today.com/moms/mom-survey-says-three-most-stressful-number-kids-6C9774150
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